Stephanie Bennett
Amusing look at Siberias history.
Tuesday, March 6, 2001
Travelers Brochure for Siberia
Siberia is located in beautiful northern Asia. Where for 5 million square miles you can find lovely unending expanses of dense dreary forests and live eternally in winter!
There are plenty of places to visit in this barren land! For instance you can battle the elements to reach Western Siberia where glorious things happened. Such as the time in 1581 when the Stroganov family tried extending its commercial empire that dealt in furs, ores, and salt by assembling 840 mercenaries to take over that area for their employer and the Tzar.
By now you must surely think this land was easily conquered by the Russians. Not so! The Finnish, Turkic, and Mongol tribes committed vast atrocities in the Russians. Permanent settlers in outposts such as Tobolsk, Yenisiesk, Irkutsk, Yakutsk, and Okhotsk soon ousted those tribes as well as the hunters and traders already in the area.
You must always be careful not to indulge in scandalous ways with the native girls. In 1662 the patriarch of Moscow reprimanded the archbishop of Tobolsk severely for allowing his parishioners to neglect their religion and dally with the local girls.
Growing tired of Russian rule? Try visiting Kamchadales, this settlement was the last to attempt to throw off Russian rule.
Modern Siberia you will find has not changed much. All the comforts of home will be non-existent. In fact you may even get to enjoy doing your toiletries outdoors!
One last warning, be careful of rampaging hockey players! Russian Red Army players who did things such as try and leave the country to play for other where oft banished with their families to the cheerfully bleak Siberia.